the slow rush
I feel like every time I enjoy myself, I suffer the consequences quite quickly afterwards. My leg is in pain again. In a new way I’ve not experienced before. It’s painful, and yet another physical halt in my everyday tracks.
*This is kind of another leg related update I thought i’d share with you all, seeing as I’ve been sharing along the way since my life changed that day! Well that’s what it started as, but as per usual I’ve nattered on further…written at a silly hour last night on my notes (like my whole life lol). I might open up a Q&A on my stories - about anything from leg to life to work etc etc.
So, after what was an incredible weekend at a festival filled with love and happiness, but a lot of walking - and dancing ;) - I’ve woken up to a blister on my scar. I won’t get into detail because that’s enough info I’m willing to share, and plusss I’m no medical website. I’d say a physical setback is like the embodiment of frustration. I’ve just felt like I’ve come out the other side of a bad spell of anxiety; and I’ve started to feel in my flow- more settled, centred. So you feel good everywhere else*, but then you’re behind a force that’s blocking you from getting around. It affects my day to day life immensely, having to cancel work and plans to rest. Rest is the best form of therapy- which of course requires patience.
When I have a new type of issue of course it inevitably worries me, because I don’t know how bad it will get, and most of the time not in my control. But hey you don’t need me to tell you the groundbreaking equation which is: worry + the unknown = anxiety <3 I think my mind over matter attitude gets pushed by my own self, a little too hard; as I’m desperate to not let any ailments get in the way of my daily life. However, such as times like this, I’m reminded I do have to slow down and take more care of myself; and find acceptance in that. This is a reminder to myself, and to anyone, to slow down. Life (especially here in London) is so fast paced, and it’s so easy to get lost in the rush.
My scar is torn and my brain is tired. Yes patience is a virtue etc etc, but isn’t it so hard to see that when you’re in it!
Now, this all might sound like a broken record, as this definitely ain’t my first rodeo with setbacks… But that’s life and it’s good to open up and it’s important to recognise that although we feel this frustration and sadness, there is always a time when it gets better. I guarantee everyone you know has/have had their own personal battles; and it’s important to recognise we deal with it all so differently. I’m a private person in lots of ways, but I find solace in sharing updates about peg/ mental health publicly, in hope to help open up perspective, and make myself, and anyone else, not feel too alone when i’m in it. Well I guess I just really enjoy writing the blog, so thanks for reading it, it means a lot :)
Ride the wave and scream on the rollercoaster - life will constantly throw us these grenades to test our strength and reflex, which ultimately builds from the burn.
Hug a friend, and hug yourself. Love G x
